Outcomes of nighttime brooding
by Odango-chan
Summary: Right, this fic is a little bit angsty (but only a tiny little bit) so I decided on General for the rating, as they didn't have Weird...I know this is not much of a summary but feel free to read it nonetheless...


Here we go, it's one in the morning, 27°C in my bedroom and I suddenly feel like writing this. The mood reflects my own. And it's the first time me writing a Dark/Dai pairing; no sex, but thoughts and feelings. Just kinda weird…and blurred…never mind, just read. Please. Oh yeah, Dark's POV, but you'd probably have guessed after a while. And I'm gonna shut up now!

No, one more thing: @K-Chan, I hope the movie was all horrible I'm so frustrated no-one called me and asked me to come to the cinema with you I feel like rubbish you just went to see it without me not that I wanted to watch it in the first place but I feel like jumping out of some window now every-one knew I was so looking forward to seeing Seb well of course I can't expect you to take me with you to wherever you go we're not together or something but still and I-chan and Martin…you don't like me anymore…*sob*…

But here comes the story now…

What a weird night.. I feel thoroughly dazed.

Maybe this is how summernights always go. It all comes down on you – the heat, exhaustion, drowsiness. You can only doze because the heat stops you from sleeping properly.

The air is thick of everything – the sounds of chirping crickets, the twittering of the birds that goes on till deep into the night, only to start again a few hours later. It's like not even animals sleep well when it's hot. There just seems to be so much more noise –or maybe you only notice it more intensively because you can't sleep.

The air is also thick of smells – the heavy scent of wasteful flowers, people having barbeques; the stench of slowly melting tar; the smell of sweat mingled with sand, ice-cream, deodorants; the piercing scent of petrol dripping from cars and busses stuck in traffic jam under the mercilessly burning sun.

Why does everything seem so overloaded in the summertime? Emotions running high. Restlessness. And unlimited energy.

And when night finally falls, you can't sleep, even if the world has calmed down a bit. It still seems to be rotating faster than in winter.

The night becomes an exhausting fight one can hardly ever win. You try hard to go to sleep. You don't notice drifting away, might be moments, might be a couple of hours.

But you do notice the time in between, the state of halfconsciousness, the feeling of being wrapped into cotton wool, the horrible thirst.

The harder you try to go back to sleep, the worse it gets.

After a while the birds' singing begins and makes sleeping even harder. It might be half past three a.m., you'd still got some hours to sleep, but at the eastern horizon a light strand of blue grows steadily larger and you know you've lost the battle.

You're even more exhausted than you were before you went to bed, covered in sweat and feeling numb.

Why does it have to be like this…I don't know…

But I do know that in this instant there's still plenty of time till sunrise. And that I didn't really sleep since you went to bed.

I watch you tossing and turning in your bed sheets, struggling with your blanket.  A low moan escapes your lips as you dream I don't know what. And I don't know if you're going to tell me later. To be quite honest I haven't got a clue what's going on between us or if you're ever going to talk to me again. It feels so bad not to be able to hear your thoughts but I'm not sure I want to find out, anyway. Guess it's none of my business. I believe I'm the reason for this emotional mess…

You never asked for being stuck with me. You thought you were a normal boy, going to school, meeting your friends, dating girls – that is, one in particular, not having to worry about anything.

But instead you're forced to go stealing, fool the police, you even have to be on the run from one of your classmates…It's all so damn twisted.

When I first awoke in your body you were terrified. After a while you got along. It's been the same with all of your predecessors. They hosted me for a while, mostly accepted me and banned me again for the love of a girl.

Why should it be different with you? Why do I even dare hope it could be different?

Is it because you care? Because you make me think so anyway?

There were moments when I was sure you actually cared. You missed me.

When I was gone you risked your life to bring me back. And I did the same for you. I'd do it again and again. I'd do anything to protect you. To save you. Not to lose you.

You mean everything to me. There's nothing I fear more than the moment the spell will break and return me into the darkness that I came from.

Only a couple of hours ago I thought that moment had actually come.

I hadn't noticed you thinking about it though I expect you often do. You must have done it for ages.

When you met Riku in the park tonight I didn't even have a funny feeling. Something like foreboding. Nothing.

Well, not more funny than usual, that is. No, I'm not jealous, seeing Riku hold your hand, kiss you. Or am I?

I once liked her. The way I've liked so many girls before her. A prickling sensation in my stomach, quickening of my heartbeat, nothing more. Not a fragment of what I feel for you.

Why, Dai-chan, do I love you so much it almost breaks my heart? So much I  can hardly breathe, so much it drives me mad and makes me want to cry out loudly, so much every attempt to put it into words is a mockery of my true feelings…

Is it because I'm grateful? Because you seem to be my first host ever who might even like me?

Anyway that's what I thought you did until tonight.

It's what  I said about hot summer nights. Emotions running high.

Riku met you in order to confess her love to you. And she did. In a pretty passionate way. I know you were moved by it. I was, somehow. I had believed you felt the same towards her. You didn't know what to say. You wanted to answer her. But suddenly I noticed you also wanted more than that, like you so desperately wanted to tell her our secret. I was apalled that you would so easily drop me. And I started to panic. You seemed so determined. God knows, I was scared to death. Although I cannot really die.

But now I'm still here. With you.

When you opened your mouth to speak, the final blow I expected didn't come.

You said you weren't sure about your feelings. You wanted time to think. You said sorry and both of you left the park, together, not speaking. 

I think Riku believed she understood. She's a nice girl. Of course she can't really understand. But I don't understand either, though in a different way.

Why not tell her you love her? And I know you do. Tell her who you are. Who *we* are. I'm pretty sure she'd still love you. You must be sure of it, too.

But still you didn't tell her. 

So I dared to breathe again. It was some comfort to me that you wouldn't just abandon me without saying goodbye. Well, not now. 

We haven't talked since. You totally blocked your thoughts from me, you wanted to be on your own. I respect that. I was too confused, anyway.

But still it hurts, being excluded. When you came home you went straight to bed. Not because you didn't want to talk to your parents or your grandfather. They're on a weekend trip, you've got the house all to yourself. It's because you didn't want to talk to me.

Do you hate me now? Have you been hating me all along? I couldn't even blame you. I'm the one messing up your life.

I want you to be happy. If I'm the reason it wouldn't work then I'll beg you to return me into the darkness of time so you can go your own way. But the thought alone seems to erase my soul.

Up to now I have only managed to drift into pointless dreams and nightmares since you fell asleep. The brooding's killing me.

So I sit on the edge of your bed and watch you. I'm so lost in thoughts that at first I don't notice you being awake. Your ruby-red eyes stare at me through a veil of drowsiness and confusion. You seem surprised to see me out of your body. You know I'm capable of this, though not for long. I use to do it at night, just to watch you sleep. You're so beautiful when you sleep. But of course I don't tell you…

Now you look at me, indifferently, then you get up and go downstairs into the pitch-black kitchen to pour yourself a glass of water. I'm back inside your body. The waistband of your pyjama trousers sticks to your back in sweat; you're not wearing the pyjama top as it's too warm. You're almost glowing…The cold water runs down your insides as if cooling an overheated engine. It feels like salvation.

You seem more relaxed now. At last you let me back inside your head, inside your mind. For a long time we survey each other's mood and thoughts. 

Then you finally speak again. /Sorry, Dark…/ I feel so relieved.

//What for?// I'm not quite sure.

/For almost telling Riku about us…/ Your  voice is nothing more than a low whisper.

//Why didn't you…// I feel strange. I'm afraid of your answer, but at the same time hope starts growing inside me.

/I…I do like Riku./ It seems very hard for you to keep talking. You choke. And you seem to be fighting tears. /I even think I love her…but…there's one person I love more than even Riku-/

Tears start running down your cheeks as you struggle to say more. I separate myself from your body to look at you. I can't believe what I've just heard. The tiny ray of hope I have carried in my chest expands explosively and I can hardly stand still. Can you really…can you possibly mean…I daren't even think it.

Then you look up into my face, our eyes meet and I see yours are full of guilt, guilt for what you had almost done to me. But I have long forgiven you.

"Oh Dark!" You fling your arms around my neck and I hold you tight. I just can't describe what I'm feeling right now. 

You bury your face in my shoulder, clambering on to me as if you were drowning and sobbing ever so hard.

"I'm so sorry, Dark, I'm so terribly sorry…" Your voice is carried away and you just cry, desperate, wettening my shirt with tears. You can hardly breathe.

"Sssshhhhh…" I so dearly want to comfort you. "It's okay. I'm not angry with you."

How could I ever be seriously angry with you…

"But you must be so disappointed…" is all you manage to say before the rest of your words is swept away by tears again.

"I'm not! –No more! I forgive you, Dai-chan! But *please* stop crying…just don't cry anymore…" My voice, too, breaks, and I hug you even harder.

We'll never know just how long we stood like this, holding each other.In this very instant all problems between us were cleared. Now I knew you'd always be with me.

After a very long time we finally break away, not speaking, just looking into the other's eyes. Carefully, I wipe the traces of tears from your cheeks with the back of my fingers. God, I love you, Dai-chan! How come we share one body and we never noticed we felt the same way for each other? Well, I know you're shy…

"When I first found out what I felt I thought it was just wrong." Your voice is quiet and settled now. "But when I was talking to Riku tonight and- I suddenly knew it would be wrong to ever give you up, Dark…I need you…"

You lean your head against my shoulder and I enjoy the soft warmth of your untidy hair at my cheek. Mmh, everything about you just feels so unbelievingly good…

"I need you, too, Dai-chan! I was so afraid of going back into the darkness and leaving you behind…Well, I'd probably see you again when you're a familiy father. Or grandfather…" You smirk at my joke.

I lay my head on yours and close my eyes. It's still dark outside, anyway. I've got my arms around you, one around your waist and one on your shoulder, my fingers gently outlining your left ear. I feel your body relaxing against my chest and you put your hands on my arm. We're one.

Then you ask me  a question which obviously costs you some will power. "Am I the first host you love?"

"There were hosts I liked. Some I felt true friendship for. Your grandfather is one of them. –But you are indeed the first host that I have ever loved."

I think you're stunned. You say nothing for a while. Then-

"Don't call me your host anymore. It sounds like you were some sort of parasite…We just happen to share one body that was originally mine. But it's ours now."

The warmth of your message spreads through me as if I was bathed in it. I don't really know what to say. Now I guess I'm the one who's stunned.

I lift your chin with one finger and kiss you shyly on the forehead. "Thank you…"

You give me the most gorgeous smile I can imagine in reward. Then your face becomes full of mischivous laughter.

"I've never seen you that shy, you know…"

"Shy? Me? I'm not shy! You want me to prove it to you? -But I didn't think you were so much like me, Dai-chan…" I start to enjoy this. 

"Hey, I'm not the go-getter you are! I _do_ think we want to start this slowly…"

"Well, I don't think so!" I strengthen my grip around your upper body, pulling you even closer to me. _I_ know that _you_ know that this is out of your hands now…

"I love you, Dai-chan, and I _am _going to prove it to you. –God knows, I've waited long enough for an opportunity like this…," I whisper into your ear. To my great pleasure, goosebumps start running down your spine, caused by the sole idea of that message. I feel your pulse quickening…

You lift your face to look into my eyes and I see your lips parting slightly. But I'm not yet going to give you that. I want you to enjoy this to the very last second. I put my finger on your mouth and you look surprised. Why, your lips feel so warm and tender…

"Maybe we should go back upstairs…," 

I think I'll make that the end of this little story, muahahahaha! The rest's up to your own imagination. I intended to write a whole lemon scene, but I changed my mind, as there exist so many of them already, most of which are probably ten times better than this would ever have been. But if, one day, I should feel like continuing it…like when I'm pissed or something…Anyway, don't bother to review *hangs her head*

Well, yes, I know this is a ridiculous ending! And the whole fic's all weird and pointless…And I'm in a *very* funny mood at the moment…But it's five a.m. and after four hours of non-stop writing I do want to go to bed meself! G'night!


End file.
